Chocolate Cauldrons
by meowbooks
Summary: What would happen if a mysterious box of chocolates crashed onto your head? Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean belong to their respectable owners-namely not me.

**Chocolate Cauldrons**

The moon hung over Port Madison shrouded behind a thin veil of cloud when Jack and Rose burst out of a large crate, one of it's large wooden sides crashing to the ground sending straw everywhere.

One guard who should have been patrolling the docks, wharves, and around the harbor for suspicious activity yawned and watched uninterestedly as the two who had mysteriously sprung out of a shipping crate walked past him.

"Actually, I don't know why so many women you meet slap you." Rose sighed.

"Well I thought I should ask in the unlikely event that you did." Jack replied.

"Well maybe you should ask one of them the next time. Now where's my ship…"

Suddenly, a box dropped from the sky, crashed on Jack's head, and fell to the ground. He studied the fancy label that proclaimed "Chocolate Cauldrons".

"Your ship?" Jack asked quizzically as he opened the box, picked up a chocolate treat, examined it then took a bite. You wouldn't let a free box of candy pass you by right?

"Yes,_ my _ship. I'm sure you know what it looks like." Rose sighed impatiently. Behind her Jack froze mid-bite, and collapsed in a heap. It was quite noisy as you might imagine so it's no surprise that Rose turned around. She frowned. "Jack?"

"I like pie." He said groggily as he sat up, blinking as though he couldn't see properly.

"What?" Rose hoped he didn't have amnesia or food poisoning or Sudden Apple Hating Denial.

"I like pie and I don't know whyyyyy!" Jack sang joyously as he stood up. It was quite good actually, in tune and everything.

"That's wonderful! My ship is gone and you've decided to act-"

"Pie! Pie! Let's buy PIE!" Jack shouted throwing his hands up into the air. He gasped mesmerized in his sudden lunacy.

"Fine. Go ahead buy your precious pie, but don't expect me to wait for you."

"YAY! I LOVE YOU, ROSE!"

"No, you love the fact I let you buy pie."

"NO! REALLY, I LOVE YOU! LET ME KISS YOU!"

"Pardon?"

"YOUR SCARLET HAIR SHIMMERS LIKE-LIKE-SHINY STUFF!" Jack proclaimed as he moved towards Rose. She flinched and began backing away. She pulled out her sword and swung it around threateningly.

"Jack, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're crazy."

" NO, I'M MAD! MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

"Don't make me use this." She said sword pointed at him. Jack kneeled down on one knee. "Don't you dare, Jack!"

"Rose, will you-"

"SPARROW-LEVIOSA!" Shouted a teenage boy as he dived down on a very expensive broom. The pirate captain was thrust into the air, dangling by one ankle in the air.

"WHOA!"

" 'Whoa'? Jack, you said that in the movie-we're trying to be original here!" The Boy Who Lived exclaimed as he sat on his Firebolt.

"What movie? What's a movie? Oh, wait- who in the world are you? Why are you upside down? Put me down! I need to propose to my love, my beautiful lovely flower!"

"I'm_ not _a flower! I'm _not_ your love- I'm _just _your friend and you're the one upside down. " She pointed out before turning to Harry. " But, I really don't know who you are either. Thanks for -er- what ever it is you did to make him float."

"I levitated him. I'm Harry, really sorry, I don't know why he isn't in love with Romilda Vane though…Maybe it's because she doesn't exist yet." Seeing Rose's perplexed look he hastily added, "I chucked those chocolates down the wrong bin."

"See Jack? That's why you shouldn't eat things off the floor-you'll wind up falling in love with the first person you see."

"No, I shall only love YOU forever!" Jack proclaimed as he made sure his hat didn't fall off his head-he was upside down you know, gravity pulls everything that isn't magically suspended.

"I hope not. So, Harry, how old were those chocolates? They weren't rotten were they?"

"Worst, they're spiked with love potion."

"Spiked? They didn't look that sharp."

"No, I meant they were filled with love potion."

" Potion? You're not a witch or something are you?"

"Actually, I am- only I'm a wizard."

The bustling street of people came to a halt. They dropped their packages, babies, fruits, pastries, ropes, eggs, chickens, everything but the kitchen sink-mostly because sinks hadn't been invented.

They turned their eyes towards the boy on the broomstick as if realizing he was flying for the first time. Their eyes widened with fear or rage or confusion. Then the villagers burst into action. Babies started brawling, the wind started to howl, women snatched up their kids and ran indoors screaming, "WITCH!"

The men grabbed pitchforks, swords, torches and miscellaneous mobster from the 17th century tools. "WITCH!"

"Oh, no! I didn't learn the 'I won't burn if I'm tied to a stake for being a witch-er wizard enchantment'!"

"You can do that?" Rose smiled with interest.

"I don't care if you're conversing with a witch! I STILL LOVE YOU!" Jack cried.

"No, you don't-"

" But I do!"

Harry soared higher to get out of range from the pitchforks and general mob.

"Uh, here's the antidote! It's disguised with butterbeer." He tossed a small mug hurriedly before zooming off into the horizon and disappearing as strangely as he had come.

"THANKS!" Rose shouted as she watched him vanish. She eyed the smallmug carefully before turning to Jack who had fallen to the ground and was now trying to propose once more.

"Rose-"

"Drink this or I won't let you back on my ship, then there's no way you're getting back to your's." She said sharply holding out the small mug.

"And people thought you were crazy before…"

"I LOVE-Huh?" He frowned as he glanced at the mug in his hands. He saw the box of treats, flinched then kicked it away. "Sorry."

**A/N** Randomness inspired by my cousin, Michael. He says "I like pie and I don't know why!" _all _the time.

_Sudden _Apple Hating Denial is a condition in which an individual's aversion to apples springs up randomly. SAHD is a very serious condition according to Charlie Bucket and Oliver Twist-sorry-I meant Charlie and Oliver the Charleston Boys from my story Shipwreck: Murtogg and Mullroy.

On another note I do not own "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" or "Oliver Twist".

--No babies were harmed in the making of this story--


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